exams are finally over and this torturous week is coming to an end..strangely its 3 plus in the wee hours of the morning and i can't sleep again..prob due to the aching and super painful back that is a great concern or my brain just simply thinks too much about the various things that needs to be done and i can't sleep..in less than 3 hrs i will have to wake up and head to sch for open house..how exciting..this weekend would probably be hectic but enjoyable..dearest shu's wedding is on sun..the first of 5 of us to get married to a great guy and we as "sisters" will be there to ensure and help her with the necessary preparations..come sunday..shu will be known as mrs Lye..interesting!

something has been bothering me for quite a while..i tend to realise how ppl in sch would presume that i'm capable enough to carry out a task..though of course that would be a good thing, but sometimes i do need help after all..the subject i'm teaching tends to be a little hard to be able to 'make it' in this sch..probably the calibre of the students and their interest level..however, though it may seem this case, there must be something that i'm not doing correctlyalso..wow cant believe i'm reflecting on my teaching at 3.30am?

for instance, art is a subject in my sch that seems to be getting lots of attention and prominence..in every event, art is always needed..where is music then?it came to my mind during a recent work planning, activities were planned for next year performing arts week and as the art teachers excitedly talked about what they could do to this wall and that wall in the sch, no one asked about how music can contribute..either the presumption that music can't contrbute much or i can't do anything relating to my subject for that week..of course saying that, i would be doing all other things except my own speciality...i guess it would be nice to be remembered what i teach and how i can contribute in that area instead of every other thing except that..

sometimes i wonder why i decided to give the kids so much high hopes this year that they were able to showcase something which eventually didn't happen..why does it sound like i want the attention..maybe i do but in the correct manner..i remember speaking to a colleague about this months back as she asked me how i was coping..and her response to my queries was "why don't you speak to your bosses about it?" well..maybe one day but not now..though it would be nice to be asked how the music curriculum is coming along..i do not need to outshine anyone..cause if i did then maybe i should be an art teacher in my sch where..if i want to go for class i go, if i want to be lazy then i would stay in the staff room..just an observation around my area..however, maybe one day when i really need the attention then i should do that then at least I'M BEING NOTICED! haha..i think the main point here is..one day, it would be nice to have someone, anyone, fighting for music instead of other aesthetics subject and actually remembering that my subject do exist..and don't you just hate it when a science teacher might say "music subject cannot compare to my science workload"..i just hate that..hello i don't just sit in the staff room and rot...i have other things to do..

the other thing that i came to realise was how everyone wants a piece of someone..be it this or that..everyone wants a piece of it..mentioned this because throughout the last 2 weeks, various ppl have been coming up to me saying i did not inform them things and they only heard it through this person..in my fit of irritation, i just simply say to the colleague that well since you heard it from that person, then in future you can liase with that person for all future information..ppl reading may not understand what i am speaking about, but just that i suddenly remembered it and how valuable this person is that everyone wants a piece of it..see! valued vs not valued..reminds me of my P saying "are we value adding the students"

anyway getting back on track, its not that i'm not happy with the working environment cause i am..just upon taking up this profession, my speciality would not be to teach piano, cause if it was, why would i be teaching? wouldn't i just be a piano teacher where timing is more flexible and at my own pace? just yesterday i asked the girls what would i be if i quit the teaching profession..one seemed shocked at that idea, one asked me whether i was serious, one said nothing and one said how would she know..i think its interesting that ppl presume that i am meant to teach..however, after a while this conversation got interesting as my friend asked what would i like to do..to start a business or to do an office job..in 1 1/2 years time, i would decide whether a change is needed..for now, just have to be prepared for next year to face greater challenges that lies ahead..

3:55 AM